around thanksgiving

dear harold,
There are a lot of babies in this world. too much in fact.  So many that the world is running out of resources to support all of them.
I have goals. carreer goals.  I want to be an illustrator.  I want to draw beautiful things and live in beautiful places.  Babies would not allow this to happen.  If I were to get pregnant and have a baby my life as i know it would be over. I cannnot let this happen. I have worked too hard to get to this point.  There is too much at stake.  There will be no babies at least untill I am thirty.  And certanly not with you.  Its nothing personal. I think you are a pretty cool person.  And you are very atractive. But i dont think you are the one.  Which is silly because I think for the past few weeks I have been trying to convince myself that you are the one and that we can live happyly ever after.
But the truthi is, there are a lot of men out there. and the only thing that makes you special to me is that you are my first.  that is all. I am not breaking up with you. although i think it is certanly coming to that.  perhaps even before we leave Rome.  but i dont think i will be the one to do it.  I enjoy the company too much.  and you are very good company.  you make me feel happy and good about myself.  you make me feel beautiful. i like it when you do cute things.  like singing after we have sex, or washing the dishes after i make you an omlet.  not just your dishes, but all the dishes.  Also, i like it when you hold my hand in public, but only when you take it first.  I like how deep deep down you are selfconcious even thought you pretend like you are not.  I like how you seem to like the tea that I make you.  I like when you cook dinner for me.  I wish we could do cute things togethr doring the day mere often.  date-like things.  that is what i thought we would do this week. but you decided to stay in Amsterdam.  Ethan's girlfriend cannot be that aweful.  and anyway, if you were always with me, you would not have had to see her.  this is why i feel like our time is coming to an end.  you are not making an effort to be with me anymore.  and it upseats me.  I try to brush it off but its hard.  I dont want you to ever leave me.  I want you to fall hopelessly in love with me.  I want to have the upper hand.  when you come back from amsterdam, I am ging to be beautiful and sexy around you.  You will not be able to resist and then you will fall in love with me.  and then i will end it because i do not love you and there are plenty of fish in the sea.  You will be devestated and you will try to win me back.  Mind you, it will be difficult.  You will have to buy me a lot of flowers.  Thats another thing.  I wish you would buy  me flowers.  I know you always say that if i want flowers i should just tell you and then you will buy them for me. But come on. What girl does not want  flowers. This is madness.

-G