back at home

dear harold,
Everything will be alright. I'm not going to panic.  I have no reason to panic.  You will come over tonight. It will be like every other time. Although, I might have to ask you if you still like me.
I just want you to hug me and tell me you still like me. Thats all. This is all too much to handle. I haven't seen you since yesterday afternoon in the student center, but you seemed preoccupied with those girls. You havent slept over since Tuesday. You almost never answer my text messages. You only anser if it is a direct question, and only an hour later. You'r not trying to spend time with me. I know you have a lot of friends here. That part is different from Rome. There it was just the two of us a lot. Maybe you didnt like that... but I did. Thats my style. It's how i do things. I get attached to one or two people and spent all my time with them.  I know you missed all your home friends and now that you are back at school you want to see them.... but it makes me nervous.  As soon as we got here I introduced you to all my friends because I have been telling them how great you are for the past four months.  You havent tried to introduce me to any of your friends. Not even those girls who were sitting with you at lunch. It makes me sad. And scared. Sad because I like you and I want to meet your friends and I want you to want me to meet your friends.  And scared because you have become a big part of my life and i dont want to loose you.  There thats it. You make my life better. You make me happy. I cried at the last dinner in Rome because you changed my life. You showed me that i was likable. i have never been liked before. It's weird.
If this is the end, I will really miss you. We can still be friends, maybe, or maybe not. I'm sorry i just dont know. But i do know that i will cry a lot. I just hope not in front of you. Or maybe in front of you. I don't know. I wish you would just get here already. So that I can stop thinking. Thinking is starting to hurt my head. I dont like it. I can't believe i made you that scarf. It was a weak move. Oh well, i know it couldnt last for ever. You told me it couldnt last for ever. You really did. Oh man, i just remembered you told me that. But then you also said you were falling for me. I wish we could just talk. I wish you could just sleep with me. Without having sex. Or maybe with sex. i really do like it. I like the way you look at me. Sometimes i close my eyes, but you don't.  Its cute. Like you can't stop looking at me.

-G