Thursday

dear harold,
So you slept with someone else, or so you say. And you would not have told me if i didn't ask. We are not together, so it's not like you cheated on me... you have always said that you never do things like that, cheat i mean. It's kind of strange, I care but I don't.  Mainly because I want to sleep with someone else too... just to get over you I guess. This doesn't sound very healthy, I know. But I still like you, and I'm pretty sure you still like me. I guess what happened Thursday for you was a meaningless one night stand, or so I would like to think. Maybe I should ask you about that. I'm sorry I suddenly attacked you at that party yesterday. I think I'm going to text you and apologize.
The sex with you is not that great. I'm sorry, but even though I have nothing else to compare it to, I know that it's supposed to be better than that.
I like how comfortable I feel around you, and how you do cute things sometimes and take care of me.
I know that if I were at a party and a boy wanted to sleep with me, I would not refuse him. Definitely. So there is no reason why i should be mad a you. Kind of silly of me. Hopefully I can explain this to you. And I should really stop deleting your number from my phone, its kind of childish.
Basically, I need to rethink my entire attitude about relationships.  I dont think I want a boyfriend. And I definitely dont want you for a boyfriend. I tried that, and the results were a letdown.
I guess what I'm asking for is that if both of us sleep with other people, can what we have between us be slightly more special than all those others? or is it also meaningless? Shit, these are deep questions. I hope I don't freak you out with them.  You will always be special to me because you were my first. But, will I be special to you?

-G